Daoism and Going with the Flow
I attended a get together of the Tooele Community Group of Oasis this month and met with some wonderful people I have had the privilege to get to know just over this last year. We truly enjoyed the company of one another while sharing healthy snacks and meaningful conversation. What could be better?
A video snippet was shown that talked about Daoism, the Chinese philosophy originating millennia ago that focuses on aligning oneself with “The Way”, meaning simply to follow the flow of Nature. “Dao”, in Chinese means “way” or “path” and you can read a decent high-level summary of it here.
Daoists have a sort of doctrine of “non-action” called “wu-wei”. This doctrine does not mean to simply do nothing, but rather go with the current and not against it. In the video snippet. It presented the analogy of an ocean wave crashing against rocks and how the sea simply keeps at what it naturally does along the shoreline and eventually the rocks will erode because of it.
We shared thoughts about how the idea of wu-wei could be applied in raising our kids and how fighting about homework, music lessons, etc. might be prevented by such a wu-wei approach in this part of life. I will be the first to admit that I have made my share of mistakes helping my kids reach adulthood. But as the discussion continued, my wife and I shared an experience with our youngest daughter where I think we hit it out of the park, so to speak.
Like any other parents, we wanted our kids to have certain experiences growing up that we valued and felt might provide important lessons to be achieved that would help navigate adulthood. My wife and I recognized that certain experiences we wanted our daughter to have simply did not match up with who she was. We could either buckle down and push her into having those experiences anyway or we could look for something else that might help her learn values while aligning with who she was. Happily, we chose the latter and it was not long until she was enrolled in group karate lessons.
I frequently took her to the karate lessons at this time and since it was about a fifteen-minute drive to get to the gym where they were held, I usually just hung around and watched the lesson while catching up on a few things at work on my laptop. I enjoyed watching the lessons week after week and hearing the instructor encourage his students at concentration and technique. My daughter liked it a lot and advanced through several belts and was urged by her instructor to compete at an upcoming tournament. It was fun to see her nervous excitement and anticipation as the date of the competition neared. In the end, I think the karate gave my daughter a wonderful experience that taught her some important life lessons that would have been lost had we pushed her into doing something different – something that was not “her”.
Others in the get together shared experiences they had with their children – some approaches that went with the current, so to speak, and others that did not. It was a very nice evening to begin the weekend with and I found myself thinking about Daoism and wu-wei early Saturday morning. My thoughts turned to the video snippet talking about the waves and the behavior of the ocean and I thought about a visit my wife and I took to Haystack Rock in Oregon a few years back.
Without doubt, tidepools are a great example of going with the flow and the ones that surround this priceless Oregon tourist attraction are intriguing. I stared at the abundance of life thriving in the shallow water as I walked around the area – sea slugs, star fish, anemones, and other creatures were either just barely under the water that remained or out of it entirely – it didn’t matter because in a few hours, the area would once again be fully submerged and all the life here has adapted to being both in the water and out of it. It is rather amazing that they have developed to ability to adapt to such different environments – both in the ocean and out of it.
It would be so calming if we would let ourselves adapt to such changes and go with the flow. There would be so much less stress since there are many things that we simply cannot change. Likewise, there would be a greater appreciation and admiration for what is. I, could in no way MAKE my daughter find the same value out of some of my life’s experiences, but I could appreciate seeing her have her own life experience with karate and develop values from it.
That we may glide with the current and have a serene life with those we love while accepting them for who they are and appreciating their experiences though they differ from our own would be what I hope everyone may enjoy while on this earth.
Best Wishes!
January, 2018